he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I understand Curling. That high.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
