i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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