she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone shattered a urinal.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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