Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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