Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
