I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
