I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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