so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her vagine was all disorganized.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
even my farts smell like vagina
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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