I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
