so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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