On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
