I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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