I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
