see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
