I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
