She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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