Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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