This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
