I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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