I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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