i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
