1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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