rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
