I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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