The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
