When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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