I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
