I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
