He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
