I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
