it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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