My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
