and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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