K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
