i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
