You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize