At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
