your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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