I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
