I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize