I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
