the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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