I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
