I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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