dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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