the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
