Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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