Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
