after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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