yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
