This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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