i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
