Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
