so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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