Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
