i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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