i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
