Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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