shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
