Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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