At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
