Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she peed on how many people?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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