forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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