About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
