If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
