This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
