everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
